RUBBERY SHRUBBERY Post 37
This is the Rubbery Shrubbery (RS) blog where we tell you about Yachats (YAH-hots), Oregon, and its inhabitants—called Yachatians (yah-HAY-shuns)—as they go about getting a Major League Baseball franchise. To learn more about Yachats, please go to this page or go to GoYachats.
Isabel Stackhollow has recovered from her vacation and is ready to write away. In this post she describes a visit to the Bread & Roses Bakery and Bistro where she finds Big Forbes Crossbowe, Bebe Broadbent, and Eudora Bixby brooding.
Dagnabbit!
by Isabel Stackhollow
I was looking for a Smelt story so I wandered into Bread & Roses, where baked goods are magnetic for Yachatians. At one of the tables I spotted the brooding trio dipping lemon cookies into hot chocolate. I borrowed a cookie and joined them.
Isabel: Thanks for the cookie. Mind if I borrow your hot chocolate? Now, why the long faces?
Eudora (stifling a sob): Isabel, everything is going wrong.
Bebe: For one thing, we were counting on having the Yachats International Airport for teams flying in and out of town.
Isabel: A two-way airport! Sounds wonderful.
Bebe: Yes, but it won’t happen. We need a large flat patch for planes to land, but Yachats has no such place. We were counting on cutting off the top of Clarity Mountain just south of town. That would make a perfect runway.
Eudora: The only companies with experience doing that sort of thing are coal mining companies. They decapitate mountains all the time.
Bebe: But we couldn’t find any who would do it. They’re all too busy mauling coaly mountains, and Clarity is coalless.
Forbes (in an expletive mood): The bleepblappers…
Bebe: Forbes! None of that kind of language.
Eudora: At least we still have the seaplane option.
Isabel (encouragingly): Well, there you are, then. Things aren’t so bad.
Eudora: Oh, yes they are! Much worse! The construction of Rubbery Shrubbery Stadium is at a standstill. The tots who are building it with LEGO® blocks have split into six factions and are at each others’ throats. They’re using the blocks as ammunition.
Bebe: They’ve even built fortresses with turrets and parapets (see Fig. 1). And they’ve engineered LEGOtic, robotic, semi-automatic dragons. They might even have LEGO weapons of mass destruction…
Figure 1. Windsor Castle (Norman Gate). Just like the RS fortresses (except not as colorful).
Forbes: The little fizztwangers…
Bebe: I say let’s arm up and crush ‘em!
Isabel: Oh, now. It’s just paracosm gotten a bit out of hand. Nothing a few naps won’t fix (see Fig. 2).
Eudora: Naps will restore peace?
Figure 2. Warmonger being cured with a nap. Dated 1894.
Isabel: Works every time. Now, what about the Seattle Mariners’ roof for our stadium?
Eudora: The negotiations for the Safeco Field roof are at an impasse, I’m afraid.
Bebe: The Mariners have stated that both of their fans have objected to the loss of the roof…
Forbes: Grumble! Dang wogglebugs!
Bebe: …and the Mariners can’t afford to lose the support of their fanbase.
Eudora (startled): Oh, migosh! Crazy Bop McSkittle just came in the café! Don’t make eye contact and maybe he’ll go away.
Isabel (whispering): Is he still going on about how Yachats should start concentrating on a World’s Fair and forget about the Smelt?
Eudora (whispering): It’s preposterous! He doesn’t talk about anything else. He’s been blathering about it for months.
Bebe (whispering and snickering): A World’s Fair here in Yachats! Can you imagine?
* Photo by visitingeu (flickr id name)
** From http://mentalfloss.com/article/12687/22-fantastic-vintage-photos-people-taking-naps
Next time: Edgar Allen Spindlehopper will take you down south to Duck Egg, OR, where schemes are afoot to become a Smelt farm team.
NOTE: Although it pains us to report this, Wumpy Mugwump and Phyllicida Thronk are still whirling and prancing at Shaggy’s Lowlife Dive and Ballroom high atop Cannibal Mountain. They show no signs of stopping.
NOTE AGAIN: Eric Sallee and Dave Baldwin are considering casting Tim Curry in the role of Percival “Pinky” Fink-Nottle for the screen version of Rubbery Shrubbery. And perhaps Anjelica Huston as Betsy Rossini. If you have any other casting suggestions, please let them know at the bottom of this page.
Sponsored by Napping for World Peace.
I think you should find a way to work Ethel Merman in somehow.
Patty, Ethel Merman would be perfect as Phyllicida Thronk. We might have some difficulty in getting her to sign a contract, however.
This from a gentleman who wishes to bring major league baseball to Yachats?? Come on! Where’s that positive attitude?
Our Director of Casting and Odd Jobs is having a problem signing up deceased actors. Cary Grant, Margaret Hamilton, and Buster Keaton remained unsigned. I’m afraid she won’t have any better luck with Ethel. I still have hopes regarding Boris Karloff, though.
Bummer. I was also thinking of Eartha Kitt, for some reason.
Patty, we are all thinking of Eartha Kitt, for some reason. Perhaps because she would make an excellent Bonnie McQuiver.
Now yer talkin’!