6 – Smelt It Is

RUBBERY SHRUBBERY Post 6

Welcome to the official Rubbery Shrubbery (RS) blog. Here we describe the efforts of the Oregon seacoast town of Yachats (YAH-hots) and its inhabitants—called Yachatians (yah-HAY-shuns), or sometimes Yahotties (yah-HOT-tees)—to lure a Major League Baseball franchise hither. Each episode will inch you closer to the full story. To learn about Yachats, please go to this page or go to GoYachats.

Today’s entry in the RS blog is written again by Harrison Grutch. By now, Harrison needs no introduction. He will describe the excitement resulting from the decision to nickname the Yachats baseball team the Smelt.

Smelt It Is
by Harrison Grutch

Bud and Bonnie Klondike had been wedded merely eighteen hours. They had barely time to get settled in their seaside rental cottage when a hubbub from the streets disrupted their afternoon. “What the…?” exclaimed Bud, “Oh, my!” countered his bride, and they both rushed to the windowsill to peer over. And what to their wondering eyes should appear but a whole village celebrating.

Bud and Bonnie exchanged grins. Neither was a Yachatian nor a baseball fan, but upon hearing chants of “We are Smelt!” they realized a baseball team must have been christened. And the rhythm of the crowd drew them to join in the chorus: “Smelt forever!” They couldn’t help themselves.

Bonnie and Bud rushed out to the street, and there, amidst the hoopla, they saw a small, patchwork boy carrying a sign that was nearly as big as he was. It read “This is Smelt Country!” Truer words were never scrawled with crayon on cardboard. This was, indeed, Smelt Country.

The Klondikes swirled through the throngs. The human currents tossed them to and fro like empty plastic bottles in the Pacific. Imaginary fireworks (the real stuff being illegal) exploded in make-believe ker-bangs everywhere they listened. They both giggled (Bud in a manly way, of course) as they lost themselves in the magical moment. What a way to top off a honeymoon!

At the head of the conga line snaking through downtown with cadence and kicks were the heroic trio—Forbes, Bebe, and Phyllicida—who had first thought of bringing major league baseball to Yachats. And leading the conga, twirling her baton with the grace she had flourished decades earlier, was former high school star majorette Eudora Bixby. Yes, the very same Eudora Bixby who had first brought the smelt to the notice of the Name-Our-Team judge, Abigail Bosonella. The very same Abigail who, her head full of bouquets of red, yellow, and blue compliments, now marched along behind Eudora, waving a placard reading “Let’s hear it for the Smelt!”

Of course, music was needed to make everything fall into place. Nearly half of Yachatians are musicians (usually the upper half), so making music was no problem. At the first sniff of a celebration, musicians came out of nowhere to blow their zoowonkas and bang their tartookas. The Ladies’ Didgeridoo Marching Band was in fine form, and the Fidgety Drummers’ Union improvised.

And as the saying goes, when the body dances, the mind must follow, and vice versa. Yachatians jitterbugged and bunny hugged and shampoo-the-rugged beyond comprehension.

Presently falling into step was the Yachats Umbrella Drill Team followed by the Yachats Belly Dance Troupe and the Shady Grove Rest Home Walkercade shuffling along in rhythm on tennis-ball feet. (The Yachats Umbrella Drill Team is shown in Figure 1).

Figure 1. The Yachats Umbrella Drill Team. (Photo by Dona Nixon.)

Our recently coupled couple, Mr. and Mrs. Klondike, danced and pranced for about an hour, then exchanged facial expressions and disappeared. They had stored memories for a lifetime. Big surprises stick in the mind.

The rest of the celebration continued without them, on into the wee hours of the afternoon. But with all this intoxicating joy, little did the multitude realize what lay ahead of it.

Next Time: We’ll explore further the psychological whirligig that Yachatians are experiencing as they adjust to the idea of having a baseball team called the Smelt. And we’ll see how resourceful Yachatians can be when the first problem arises.

NOTE: Please go to “Leave a Reply” at the bottom of this page to let us know how much you value RS or how absolutely not. We’ll publish all your responses on the day the Yachats Smelt win their first major league game.

NOTE AGAIN: Dave Baldwin and Eric Sallee have been repeatedly accused of having something to do with this blog. They’ve denied it to the utmost.