RUBBERY SHRUBBERY Post 36
The Rubbery Shrubbery (RS) blog is the story of how an Oregon village comes of age through grit and hard work to become the hottest new thing in the baseball world. The village is Yachats (YAH-hots) and its citizens are called Yachatians (yah-HAY-shuns). To learn more about Yachats, please go to this page or go to GoYachats.
Today’s episode was supposed to be written by Harrison Grutch and Tyler Macaroon, but they became embroiled in a parentage debate with a gang of philosophers at the Yachats Post Office and lost track of time. Therefore, the de facto Yachats rap critic, Ms. Constance Hinge, has agreed to step in to fill shoes.
Will the Smelt Impact the Yachats Arts Scene?
by Constance Hinge
Hello. This is Constance stepping in to interview the interminable Margarita O’Brien regarding the impact of the Yachats baseball team on the local arts scene. We are meeting here at Yachats State Park with a beautiful view looking down on the river and estuary (see Fig. 1).
Figure 1. Yachats State Park, where Constance is meeting Margarita.
Constance: Good morning, Margarita.
Margarita: Well, it certainly is, Connie. Can’t you just feel the wisps of poetic fumes in the salt sea air? When the daffodils are in bud and the spotted owl is gurgling, can baseball be far behind?
Constance: Indeed no, Maggie. “The Smelt, they be a’pipping,” as the old song goes. I can close my eyes and picture Henry David Thoreau’s inability to handle high pop-ups. And Denny McLain getting busted angling next to a “No Fishing” sign at Walden Pond (see Fig. 2).
Figure 2. Walden Pond, where Mr. Thoreau practiced baseball in his spare time.*
Margarita: Oh, Connie, you are a regular Wikipedia of trivia. Ah, the maudlin memories you stir up.
Constance: Well, Maggie, your keen, jejune insight reminds me of the wise prediction by that scamp Walt Whitman: “I see great things in baseball.” And who was the nineteenth century poet (I’m sure it wasn’t Walt) who penned the lines:
“The batter’s up, the batter’s down,
The batter’s dressed in a pink nightgown.”
Margarita: Yes, certainly one of the early examples of something, right enough, Connie. In your caliginous way, you’ve revealed once more. And naturally that brings to mind the great baseball clown, Max Patkin, who could drop his trousers with style and sometimes with grace (see Fig. 3).
Figure 3. Max Patkin, exuding style and grace.**
Constance: Well, trite you are, Maggie. It takes an exceptional memory to recall descending trousers. But back to our national pastime and its impact on the cultural coming and going in Yachats. Do you think there will be one?
Margarita: Oh, Connie! How droll in a gauche kind of way. But certainly the game of baseball will bring a rich heritage of song, literature, fine art and great stage productions, like the dramatization of “Ball Four” and the musical version of “Rubbery Shrubbery.” To be the “Baseball Capital of the World” is to be the “Wellspring of Locker Room Enlightenment.” And it will bring a lot of healthy young ballplayers to our town, too.
Constance: Wow, Maggie! That’s so beautifully inappropriate. You know, this has been an electric experience for me, chatting like this with you on the edge of a cliff overlooking the raging Yachats River far below (see Fig. 1). The truth is, I’ve never felt we’ve hit it off before. There’s always been this vague distance between us. But today, our têta-à-tête has brought us much closer together, I feel.
Well, Margarita O’Brien couldn’t hang around, I’m afraid, but I’m glad she dropped by. It was wonderful being able to connect with her at last. So this is Constance Hinge signing out for now.
* Photo by ptwo. From Wikipedia.
** From Wikipedia.
Next Time: Perhaps we’ll explore the history of baseball choreography with Yachats’s very own mistress of the ball, Tanga de la Primp.
NOTE: Eric Sallee and Dave Baldwin are still open to suggestions regarding casting for the screen version of Rubbery Shrubbery. Thus far, here is the cumulative tally:
Helena Bonham-Carter —– to play Brassica Chin (1vote)
Sir Anthony Hopkins ——— to play Wumpy Mugwump (1 vote)
Brian Doyle-Murray (Bill Murray’s brother) —— to play Harrison Grutch (1 vote)
We still haven’t any input for Bebe Broadbent, Yabby Weezer, or many other forgettable RS characters. At the bottom of this post, please give Eric and Dave suggestions for actors, such as Tina Fey or Johnny Depp, or any other actor you think might be crazy enough to get entangled in this project.
NOTE AGAIN: Eric Sallee and Dave Baldwin insist they are both illiterate and couldn’t write a blog even if they tried (which they haven’t, obviously).
Hey Connie, if a Smelt Supporter read some book about baseball (you know, like Snake Jazz or something), or chewed bubble gum again hoping to get baseball cards, or even, like, you know, had a dream once about baseball, that would count as “impacting the art scene,” right?
Tom, Connie says we are lucky to live in a world where everything is art. All the activities you mention are art generators, to be sure. Even explaining baseball to a St. Bernard (who has no experience with baseball, being from the Swiss Alps) would be a valid artform. Unless the dog doesn’t exist. In which case, the whole thing is weird and has no impact on the art scene.
No apologies to Denny McLain?
No apologies needed. Denny could read the “No Fishing” sign as well as anybody. Fish have rights too, you know.