27 – The Yachatian-on-the-Street Interviews Continue

RUBBERY SHRUBBERY Post 27
Intentionally or not, you have reached the Rubbery Shrubbery (RS) blog, a narrative set in the Oregon village of Yachats (YAH-hots), “Home of the World’s Largest Ocean!” Its citizens—called Yachatians (yah-HAY-shuns), or Yahotties (yah-HOT-tees)—are out to obtain a Major League Baseball franchise. To learn more about Yachats, please go to this page or go to GoYachats.

Yachatians have been queueing up for the opportunity to write the next version of the RS blog. First in the queue today is the team of Harrison Grutch and his associate Tyler Macaroon—the same two geezers who wrote this thing last time we met.

The Yachatian-on-the-Street Interviews Continue
by Tyler Macaroon and Harrison Grutch

This here is Tyler, taking over for Harrison. Sorry for this switcheroo but Harrison has been busy understanding his estranged wife’s point of view for the past several days. He’ll be understanding for quite some time from the looks of it. Meanwhile, we’ll just move along as if nothing has happened to him.

Let’s see…since we last met, Loretta Quibblestack has submitted a number of Smelt logo suggestions, all thought provoking in Loretta’s unique, terrifying manner. And Cadence Waxpepper (long infatuated with angels) is still plotting (in a kindly way) to buy, steal, or at least borrow the Anaheim Orange County Los Angeles California Fullerton Azusa Angels baseball team. But we’ll forge ahead as though none of that has happened.

Recall that last time we promised to talk to Boswell Carfinch and Levity Pribble. I hate to disappoint you, but Levity wasn’t available. She had to cut her toenails today. Fortunately Boswell never cuts his toenails, so I found him at his usual spot, on the bench in front of the Yachats Post Office.

That’s always the first place to look for a Yachatian. The P.O. is where one can get the latest weather report, Dow Jones Average, rundown on local earthquakes and tsunamis, recap of political and corporate scandals, and the mail.

Before we get into the interview, be forewarned that Boswell has a hard time focusing because of his chronic fear that the world is passing him by. This is no mid-life crisis—Boswell has felt this way since he was six. So I was prepared for this quirk, knowing we couldn’t get to the meat of the interview until Boswell felt assured everything is up to date in Yachats.

Tyler: So, Boswell, how do you feel about Yachats having a team in the major leagues?

Boswell: Tyler, we’ve got to do something and do it fast—the world is passing Yachats by, you know.

Tyler: Wow! How’d you do that em dash thing? I’ve never heard anyone say an em dash.

Boswell: Listen, try to focus, will you? The world is whizzing right by us. Maybe getting a major league team will put us in the fast lane, in the thick of the action, where it’s all happening, in the swim of things, seizing a few moments…

Tyler: Just do that em dash thing one more time, okay? Ah, c’mon. Just once… Hey, that’s not an em dash! For one thing, that’s vertical…

At this point, Boswell decided to take a break to mull our question over. But no matter. We still had plenty of Yachatians in the vicinity, so I chose one at random.

Skinly Scattata, author of Suspending Disbelief in Your Job Interview, happened to be coming around the corner at that moment, so I chose him at random. Skinly and I are old friends. As unsual, he was dressed as a 13th century nobleman.

Tyler: Skinly, are you going to be a fan of the Yachats Smelt?

Skinly: Well, I was planning to be one of their biggest supporters, but a couple of days ago I read an article while sitting in the waiting room of my plumber. It said researchers have found that the health of a sports fan takes a big hit whenever the rooted-for team loses.

Tyler: Oh, oh! Losing sports teams must be taking quite a toll on the nation’s health.

Skinly: You bet! And I figure baseball teams lose more games than anyone else. I don’t want to risk it with the Smelt or any other sports team.

Tyler: You need a team that never loses, and I know of one—it’s a sasquatch caber toss-and-grab team down in Duck Egg.* Haven’t lost yet. Won the world’s championship in Scotland the past fifteen years in a row. Figure 1 shows a sasquatch about to catch a caber tossed by her teammate.

Figure 1. Sasquatch running after a caber. Note the camellia she is wearing in her hair—the official uniform adopted by the Duck Egg team.

Skinly: Caber toss-and-grab? Sounds perfect. I’m feeling healthy just thinking about it.

Tyler: Hmmm…I wonder…I’ve been rooting for my buddy Harrison as he discusses things with his estranged wife, the evil Pansy. This might be like rooting for a losing team.

Skinly: Could be. You need to choose your friends with care. Choose Pansy.

* A community southeast of Yachats.
** Photo taken from the historic Patterson-Gimlin Film.

Next Time: We’ll attempt to forge ahead, but then, it would be ridiculous to forge behind. And for all you know, it might be a mermaid who will be first up in the interviewee queue.

NOTE: Please go to “Leave a Reply” at the bottom of this page to tell us how the RS blog has enriched your life. We all will be pleased and astounded.

NOTE AGAIN: Although Eric Sallee and Dave Baldwin are above responding to baseless accusations, they’re still mulling over those that have a base.