17 – Raising the Roof in Seattle

RUBBERY SHRUBBERY Post 17

This is the Rubbery Shrubbery (RS) blog, one of the leading blogs west of the Willamette River. Here you will learn how Yachats (YAH-hots), Oregon, and its 690 inhabitants—called Yachatians (yah-HAY-shuns)—go about getting a Major League Baseball team (to be known as the Yachats Smelt). To learn about Yachats (“Where nature happens every day”), please go to this page or go to GoYachats.

In today’s post, Mr. Ashwagandha C. (Wumpy) Mugwump, Captain of the Smelt Roof Committee, interviews stadium dome expert Ms. Dominique Cupola.

Raising the Roof in Seattle
by Ashwagandha C. Mugwump

Last time we met we discussed the need for a roof over the heads of the Smelt and their fans. Today we will talk to one of the foremost stadium dome experts, Ms. Dominique Cupola, about how to get one.

Wumpy: Dominique, tell us how you got started in this fascinating field.

Dominique: I’ve been intrigued by round roofs since childhood, Wumpy. Other kids tacked photos of movie stars up in their rooms, but not me (except for Yul Brynner—I had a terrible crush on him—see Fig. 1). I plastered my room with pictures of famous domes like St. Peter’s Basilica and Hagia Sophia and the Taj Mahal. Domes were all I cared about. Even saying the word “dome” is restful, don’t you think? Sort of like calendula stew. Fortunately, I was able to get a scholarship to study domology in college.

Figure 1. Yul Brynner.

Wumpy: I imagine domology is quite complicated, isn’t it?

Dominique: Oh, it certainly is. The first thing we had to learn is the difference between convex and concave. Of course, if you don’t know that, you’ll never be a dome expert.

Wumpy: And what is the difference between convex and concave?

Dominique: Well, it depends on how you look at it.

Wumpy: Yes, I see. And after college?

Dominique: My first job was designing umbrellas, and then I moved on to yurts and hogans and gers (see Fig. 2). I became quite expert at them, but I wanted to do bigger things. When an opportunity to design a stadium dome came up I jumped at it.

Figure 2. A ger.

Wumpy: I know you’ve designed many stadium domes throughout the world, Dominique. What would be your recommendations for the Yachats Smelt?

Dominique: Oh, second hand is the only way to go. Do you realize how much a new dome depreciates as soon as the last strip of duct tape is in place? I would suggest looking for a nice, well-maintained dome owned by a little old lady, perhaps somewhere in the Pacific Northwest, not too far from Yachats.

Wumpy: I assume we would want one with still some time left on its warranty. Is there a specific one you have in mind?

Dominique: Yes, actually there’s a decent roof on the Safeco stadium in Seattle (see Fig. 3). It’s not owned by a little old lady and not technically a dome, but it’s retractable, has been kept up well, and has had minimal use. Probably has a little warranty time, too.

Figure 3. The Seattle roof Yachats has its eye on. Poised to unravel to the left.

Wumpy: So, let’s say we were to obtain that dome…er, roof. What would be the best way to get it down to Yachats?

Dominique: Well, there’s another dome expert who insists the Safeco roof could be rolled off the back of the stadium (the whole shebang is on wheels, you know), and with care it could be eased down so that it would be right side up. Then it could be pushed to a nearby waterway and flipped onto its back.

Wumpy: Sort of like a giant robotic tortoise shell?

Dominique: Exactly! A big crane could lift it and set it gently into the water. From there a tugboat could tow it to Puget Sound. Then it would be a straight-forward trip out to the Pacific and a short way down the coast to Yachats.

Wumpy: This sounds like a great idea!

Dominique: It is, up to this point, but then we come to a snag. Yachats has no harbor—just that shallow estuary (see Fig. 4). I don’t think there’s any way to get the roof onto the shore and then onto the stadium.

Figure 4. Yachats estuary being too shallow for seaworthy stadium roofs.

Wumpy: So what should we do?

Dominique: Well, the cheapest solution is to use a virtual dome. But if you have your heart set on the Seattle roof, you could take it apart up in Seattle and truck the parts down to Yachats. As simple as that. After all, part-by-part was how the thing was put on the Seattle stadium in the first place. If all the pieces are carefully numbered, putting it back together will be a snap. Sort of like London Bridge except not nearly as British.

Wumpy: Wow! That does sound like a simple solution. I don’t know why we hadn’t thought of that.

Dominique: Well, that’s why you want a certified dome expert, isn’t it? You’d be amazed at the messes amateurs get themselves into—upside-down domes, inside-out domes, sometimes they put them on backwards…

Wumpy: We’re lucky we have you to guide us, Dominique.

Next time: You wouldn’t think so, but procuring the Seattle roof and installing it in Yachats isn’t a piece of cake. Shocking obstacles pop up, as we shall see next time.

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