9 – The Day After the Day After

RUBBERY SHRUBBERY Post 9

This is the Rubbery Shrubbery (RS) blog where you’ll learn how the Oregon coastal resort of Yachats (YAH-hots) and its inhabitants—called Yachatians (yah-HAY-shuns) or Yahotties (yah-HOT-tees)—latch onto a Major League Baseball team. Each episode tells a little more about this era in the town’s history. To learn about Yachats, please go to this page or go to GoYachats.

Once again we’re proud to have Harrison Grutch back to write today’s blog about the newly nicknamed Yachats Smelt baseball team. Here, he describes events two days after the selection of that Smelt nickname and the celebration that followed.

The Day After the Day After
by Harrison Grutch

If one supposes the earth were spherical or even cylindrical, the seam that stitches the Far East to the Far West would be found just to the left of downtown Yachats. Heidi’s Italian Specialties Café looks out across fields of seagulls standing in the Yachats estuary which would be, I suppose, a small rip in the stitching of the world. Always a popular meeting place, Heidi’s has been a pepper pot of epiphanies and joys ever since the Yachats Smelt were spawned.

Case in point: the day after the first meeting of the Yachats Smelt Board of Directors in the Yachats Post Office parking lot, Forbes Crossbowe, Phyllicida Thronk, and Bebe Broadbent were in the midst of those very same epiphanies and joys, having a leisurely lunch at Heidi’s. The aromas of sausages and marinara sauce meandered through the café seeking nostrils. Figure 1 shows Heidi’s Café.

Figure 1. Heidi's Cafe is seen just to the right of the Yachats Post Office parking lot from Cape Perpetua. (Photo by Elizabeth Gates.)

On Heidi’s menu the Baseball Special was Smelt Rigatoni, with shrimp substituted for smelt because it seemed somehow sacrilegious to be eating the brand new mascot of the local baseball team. Forbes was about to consume his first forkful.

When suddenly gaunt, gangly Percival “The Percy” Fink-Nottle, scion of the grand and rich Fink and Nottle families and author of the startling best selling 101 Things to Do with an Opposable Thumb, burst through the restaurant’s door, with fiery eyes, a nose like a lethal weapon, and something on his mind. His abrupt entrance was neither Finky nor Nottlish.

Though appropriately startled, Phyllicida, etc., were much too hungry to let a Fink-Nottle deter them from lunch. “Here comes The Percy,” Forbes noted through a mouthful of mascotless rigatoni.

Upon spotting them, The Percy charged their table. “I felt compelled by some unexplained force to rush over to talk to you,” he blurted.

The trio exchanged knowing glances. Phyllicida set down her tea cup and addressed the intrusion. “Was this a determined, no-nonsense kind of compelling?” The Percy nodded. Phyllicida smiled. “It’s just a baseball enchantment with time on its hands. So, pull up a chair and tell us what’s on your mind, but don’t expect us to buy you lunch.”

“Okay. It’s nothing urgent, really. In fact, I wouldn’t have bothered you if it hadn’t been for that darn enchantment. Anyway, I just wondered if I could be on the Smelt Board of Directors, that’s all. That is, if it doesn’t cost anything. I’d work hard and wouldn’t be any trouble and I’d clean up after myself…”

Bebe laughed. “Of course you can be a director, and don’t worry—it’s free,” she cooed. “We have nearly a hundred now, but you’ll be our first scion. I assume you’d like to be a co-chairperson, too? Everybody does.”

“Nah. Don’t want the responsibility. I’ll be happy just being on the Board. That would be fun.”

Forbes shook his head in disbelief. “Well, I’ll be…you’re the first director who doesn’t want to be a co-chairperson. I suppose it won’t hurt to have one non-co-chairperson.”

Then, without warning, lovely Angelita MacAvity, author of the seasonal classic, Frankincense Pranks for Christmas, burst through the restaurant’s door, an intense look upon her face. Immediately she spotted the baseball bunch, and with a fling of her auburn hair, she raced the seven-and-a-half feet to its table. “I need to tell you something,” she gasped.

“I bet you were compelled by an enigmatic force to seek us out,” Forbes suggested.

“Yeah, compelled, but I want to tell you about this eerie dream I had last night.” Of course the word “eerie” grabbed their attentions like a bowl of chocolate ice cream with those little sprinkled things on top.

“Pull up a chair and bounce this eerie dream off us,” chirped Bebe.

“Well, God spoke to me in this dream and said, in a big booming voice, ‘I DECREE THAT YACHATS SHALL HAVE A MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM AND THOU SHALT NAME IT THE YACHATS SMELT.’ I didn’t know whether He was joking or not, I never can tell with Him, so I replied, ‘Are you kidding, Your Highness?’ And He boomed, ‘DO YOU SEE EVEN A HINT OF A TWINKLE IN MY EYE?’ So I pointed out in the most diplomatic way possible that the other major league teams would have to agree to let Yachats play, and those teams are all sticks-in-the-mud. And he began to see my point. ‘WELL, MAYBE YOU’RE RIGHT…UM…HEY, I’VE GOT IT…THE YACHATS KNITTING CLUB. YEAH, THAT’S IT. I DECREE ONE OF THOSE INSTEAD. NO, WAIT…PLEASE MAKE THAT, I SUGGEST A KNITTING CLUB. DON’T WANT TO COME OFF AS HEAVY-HANDED. THANKS.’ And then I woke up from all that booming.” Angelita sat expectant.

Phyllicida, Bebe, etc., were stunned. “I’ve never known God to say ‘please’ or ‘thanks’ before,” said Forbes. “By the way, you do God’s booming voice very well.”

“Why, thank you! I was afraid I didn’t get the celestial accent quite right,” blushed Angelita.

Everyone sat silently thinking for many moments until The Percy broke out, “Nah, knitting’s even more boring than soccer!” The others all agreed, of course, and cheerfully began imagining uniform designs for the Smelt.

Angelita was still betwixt, however. She expressed her concern that God might be a whole lot disappointed if He doesn’t get His knitting club. We’ll see what can be done.

Next time: We’ll be right back at Heidi’s to be startled by a whole new situation in the growth of this baseball team. And we’ll keep you abreast of news about that knitting club.

NOTE: Please go to “Leave a Reply” at the bottom of this page if, and only if, you’d like to get something of a Smelt nature off your chest. We’ll publish all worthy comments on the day the Yachats Smelt play their first major league game.

NOTE AGAIN: Eric Sallee and Dave Baldwin can hardly wait to read the next episode of the award-winning Rubbery Shrubbery blog.